Why Young Men Are Struggling with Friendship, Vulnerability, and Masculinity Today
Recently, I listened to a powerful discussion on The Diary of a CEO podcast that explored the state of modern masculinities. I highly recommend giving it a listen—especially if you're interested in how young men relate to each other in today’s social climate.
One moment that stood out was Steven Bartlett’s description of a WhatsApp group chat he shares with his male friends. On the surface, the group is full of banter and playful insults—a typical expression of male friendship. But it also offers a safe space where the men can be open, vulnerable, and supportive of one another. That contrast really struck me.
It made me wonder: how many men are missing out on this kind of emotionally intelligent male friendship?
Banter vs. Vulnerability: Why Men Struggle to Open Up
Steven's experience highlights something crucial. Male friendships often contain humour, teasing, and a kind of performative toughness. But many of these relationships never go beyond surface-level banter. I’ve noticed this in my own social circles—when someone tries to express something serious over text, it’s usually met with jokes or deflection. The vulnerability gets lost.
I think one key reason for this is the lack of meaningful, in-person connection between young men. When interactions are limited to group chats and short texts, emotional nuance gets flattened. It's easier to make a joke than to listen deeply through a screen.
Interestingly, research suggests that women generally develop higher emotional intelligence earlier in life, which might explain why they seem to navigate online emotional support better than men. Young men, on the other hand, are often left fumbling with the tools to connect, especially when they feel isolated.
Adolescence, Andrew Tate & the Crisis of Male Role Models
The Netflix series Adolescence recently shed light on this. It showcased how easily young boys can be manipulated by toxic online figures, especially in the absence of strong, positive male role models. Influencers like Andrew Tate are filling that void—not with empathy or strength, but with hyper-masculine posturing that further alienates vulnerable young men.
Personally, I’m not part of a supportive group chat like Steven’s. Since moving away for university, I’ve drifted from most of my male friends. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I can see how valuable a space like that could be—a place where banter and openness can coexist.
When I looked into what support systems exist for men, I was disappointed. Apps like Mettle and Ladz aim to support young men’s mental health, but they’ve barely gained traction. Why? even thought they mean well, they may be out of touch with how younger generations connect and express themselves.
In university, I focused my dissertation on the psychology of masculinities, particularly how young men relate to their female friends. One key finding was that many young men desire more intimacy in their friendships—but they’re unsure how to ask for it. Pride, fear of judgment, and social conditioning all get in the way.
So what’s the solution?
Maybe it starts with creating new spaces—both online and in real life—where young men can be emotionally honest without sacrificing their identity. We need spaces that welcome vulnerability without mocking it. Group chats, discussion circles, men’s circles, support networks—whatever form they take, they need to be real, accessible, and grounded in the present-day reality of what young men are going through.
Conclusion:
The modern man stands at a crossroads. On one side lies the outdated blueprint of masculinity—silent, stoic, and emotionally distant. On the other lies something new: a masculinity defined by openness, emotional fluency, and connection.
If we want to rewrite what it means to be a man today, we need to start by listening—to ourselves, to each other, and to the parts of us that are tired of pretending we're fine. True strength isn’t in never breaking—it’s in knowing who to turn to when you do.